- Their own thing! Let’s be real here folks, I could go on and on about the idealist fantasies that every twenty something wants to believe that will happen when they get married but the reality is, we all do our own thing in the end. We will spend every waking moment together as newlyweds and will make a concerted effort to engage in shared activities but in the end we may love our significant other but we love our personal space even more.
- Healthy couples compromise. Especially on the little things like temperature. Typically one is cold and the other is hot, so how do we fix this and make everyone happy? Well sometimes I freeze and sometimes he sweats. It’s a give and take and not always a “take “on my side. Give in a little and you’ll both be happier for it.
- They accept that their partner has a different point of view. Every couple is different and every person has a unique set of standards and moral beliefs that they abide by. Sure we can force our partner to abide by our standards but is that something we do “together” or is it something we do in spite of the other? Some couples seek help from a couple’s therapist to agree on a set of standards or “rules” if you will for their marriage. This is very healthy and certainly something a healthy couple would gladly engage in so that their marriage doesn’t fall victim to the “well we just couldn’t get it together and always disagree” pitfall.
- Healthy couples accept that relationships are not all peaches and cream. Sometimes a relationship is a kick in the gut that makes you want to dry heave …too heavy? Sorry but it’s the truth. Couples hurt each other, period. You are a liar if you think you have never hurt your partner to the point that they feel that deep throbbing pain in the pit of their stomach. However, healthy couples realize they are human and make mistakes. They accept the heartfelt apology from their partner and learn to grow into better people, TOGETHER.
- OK its getting kinda heavy so we shall lighten it up a bit now. Healthy couples don’t care about the changes that happen to their partner’s body as they age. We age, we ALL age. Sure men are congratulated with grey hair and wrinkles and put on the People Magazine sexiest man alive list for it, but come on fellas, your partner sees it and she loves you enough to not care. Just as she appreciates that you don’t mention that her ass hangs a good two inches lower than it did last year and you can see cheek sweat creases now. Trust and believe we know, we know.
- Healthy couples will try to find TV shows or activities that they both can enjoy and they will do their darndest to make sure that show or activity has precedence over their own personal preferences. This goes with the caveat that it is not during a sports season. See their guys, I got your back.
- Healthy couples have come to the understanding that they do not have to sleep in each other’s faces throughout the night. I don’t need to breath your stank breath and you don’t need to breath mine. Most couples who have been in a long relationship have found their comfy spot and this may be using separate blankets, one prefers to be by the alarm or wall, or maybe back to back is the preferred position. And remember, just because I snuggled his sweaty back for half the night does not mean he needs to return the favor and end up with a dead arm and jacked up neck trying to cuddle me…although I do like it… hint hint
- Healthy couples are ok with walking into the bathroom while the other is doing their biz, however they understand that the other may not ever be ok with it and it’s cool. Personally I can walk in on my husband and he doesn’t even flinch. I can have a conversation with him while he is in the middle of a battle with his “tight-end” (my little football joke), and not a thought of it. However he knows I only claim to release pixie dust from my rear end so there will be no walking in on my bathroom time. We have come to a nonverbal understanding and frankly I think he would prefer it that way too.
- Healthy Couples find time to enjoy each other and make each other laugh. They say laughing is the key to a happy life right? They are not afraid to be silly in front of each other, look a fool if necessary. These couples find that sometimes it’s best to be the goof and be vulnerable in order to make their partner comfortable. We have a have bad day, why not act a fool sometimes and let your partner laugh at you. If it makes them happy it will make you happy.
- Although this phrase is tossed around (mostly by men) to instigate the cow eye look from their partner, “happy wife, happy Life” is much truer than you may think. However I would like to change it to “happy partner happy life” but that doesn’t sound as cool or catchy. And it certainly doesn’t elicit a “yeah you better remember that” from the wife either. So my point is, healthy couples make this a priority. If my partner is happy I will be happy. I can do my own thing, I can compromise, I can accept they have a different point of view, I can accept that my wife’s ass is falling below the equator, I can sleep on my own side of the bed, AND I can have a happy life because I ensure my partner is happy.
There you have it. It’s not sexy, it’s not fantasy or dreamy…its reality.